[The episode opens inside a dojo. A muscular figure wearing a helmet kneels in the center of the floor. Behind him, a Foot ninja approaches stealthily, and then swings down at him with a sword.  The man, Chris Bradford, catches the sword between his palms, rising to his feet and kicking the ninja away from him while divesting him of his sword.  Chris turns just as another ninja leaps down at him.  He dodges easily. He is then beset by ninjas and defeats them. Chris grunts and dramatic music plays as behind him, a door slides open to reveal Xever. Behind him, the Shredder stands looking out over the city.]

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Chris: [Kneels] Master Shredder.

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Shredder: I trust that my greatest pupil has been using that time wisely.

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Chris: I have assembled an army of ninjas. The Foot Clan awaits your orders.

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Shredder: Excellent. Because I've discovered an old enemy in New York. Hamato Yoshi.

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[Xever tosses a picture of Yoshi and Saki onto the desk.]

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Chris: Hamato Yoshi? Alive?

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Shredder: And he is training ninjas of his own. Finally, I will finish what I started all those years ago. I want them all wiped out.

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Chris: I will not fail you, Master.

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Shredder: I know. But to be certain, you will work alongside Xever.

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(Xever expertly spins butterfly knife and then grinning, leans back against the desk.)

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Chris: I don't need any help. Especially from this street rat.

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Xever: Are you sure, rich boy?

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Chris: Anytime you want to test me

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Shredder: I am not interested in your petty rivalry! Xever is familiar with the dark underbelly of this city. You will work together.

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Chris: Don't worry, Master Shredder. We will find Splinter and his disciples and destroy them. Hah! Hiyah!

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{Theme song; opening sequence}

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(Turtles running the rooftops.)

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Donnie: Check it out! Yehee!

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Mikey: Top that, turtle chumps!

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Leo: All right, guys. Check this out. (Performs acrobatic trick as he leaps onto rooftop.)

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Raph: Cute, kiddies. (Runs full tilt to leap space and barrels right into his brothers.)

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Donnie: Hey, what was that? You didn't do any flips.

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(Foot Ninja looks down at them and disappears unseen.)

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Raph: Oops.

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(Grins. Something catches his notice and when he looks around, so do his brothers. They dart to hide by a wall, each drawing their weapon. Leo runs out first, swords ready, and sees a kitten, which meows at them.)

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Raph: Don't give up, Leo. You might actually win this fight.

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Mikey: Aww! It's a little kitty. (Picks up cat.) And its name is . . . .

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Man: Mittens!

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Mikey: Good guess. Wait, who said that?

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Man: Mittens?

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Donnie: I think that's the owner. (Mikey runs towards the man, who is leaning out his window.) What are you doing?

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Leo: Whoa, hey!

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Raph: Mikey, wait!

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Mikey: What? I'm returning Mittens to her owner.

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Raph: Are you an idiot? Wait let me rephrase that.  You're an idiot!

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Donnie: You can't show yourself to a human.

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Mikey: Why not?

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Donnie: Because they'll freak the heck out, that's why not.

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Mikey: No, they won't. I'm not so scary.

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Raph: You're an ugly, green mutant armed with ninja weapons.

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Mikey: Look, this guy's gonna see that I'm just a regular, cat-loving dude like him. Next thing you know, we'll be best buds. This is gonna be awesome!

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Turtles: No! Don't! Wait!

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Man: Mittens!

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Mikey: Hi. Here's your . . . .

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Man: [screams] Ugly, green mutant freak!

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Mikey: But I got your cat!

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Man: Help! He's got my cat!

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Mikey: Dude, chill! I'm just . . . . (Cat hisses and jumps on his head.)

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[Cat squealing, as others scream.]

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Mikey: [Falls off balcony. Brothers leap down to join him.] Someone want to help me with this? [The cat was still on his shell.]

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All: No.

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[Cat snarling and screeching. Mikey pulls it off and throws it and there is a crash.]

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Raph: Face it. Humans will never understand you. Heck, we don't even understand you.

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Mikey: [sighs] Yeah. [gasps] But I bet that guy would!

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(Is looking up at huge billboard which announces the appearance of Chris Bradford at a martial arts expo.)

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Leo: Chris Bradford. The martial arts superstar. With a chain of dojos across the country. He's your soul mate?

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Mikey: We've got so much in common.

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Donnie: What if you stopped standing like that?

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Mikey: We'll have a little less in common, but still a lot. And look, he's in town for a Martial Arts Expo. Maybe he'll show me his secret kata, "the death dragon".  And I'll show him my secret kata, "the secret kata".

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Donnie: Catchy.

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Mikey: Check it out. [Shouting as he performs maneuver.] But don't tell anyone you saw that.

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Leo: No problem.

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Raph: Face it, Mikey, Chris Bradford is the last person on Earth that would be friends with you. Well, tied for last, [Foot Ninjas on rooftop peer down at them.] with everyone else on Earth.

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[Dramatic music as turtles look up to see heavily armed Foot Ninjas descending all around them.]

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Donnie: Ninjas? In New York?  Other than us?

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[All grunting as fight ensues.]

 

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Raph: [Shell to shell with Leo.] Why are you so happy?

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Leo: It's just nice to finally be fighting people, instead of robots, or aliens, or weed-monsters.

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[Chris, wearing helmet, lands in middle of fight and punches Leo, who hits a wall. Kicks Raph back, catches Don’s staff and hits him with it. Mikey throws his weapon at Chris who catches it and yanks chain to pull Mikey into his clutches.]

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Chris: What are you?

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[Mikey kicks off from his leg and they both tug on the chain. Leo jumps up and slices chain. Sirens can be heard coming closer, followed by flashing lights. Chris and Foot disappear.  Turtles vanish as well just before police car screeches to a stop with headlight flooding the alley. Back at the lair, Leo in kitchen with Splinter delivering his report.]

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Leo: Their leader was crazy good, by which I mean he was good and seemed a little crazy. Besides, he had all these guys with him. It wasn't a fair fight.

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Splinter: What do you mean, "fair fight"?

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Leo: A fair fight, you know, where either side could win?

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Splinter: So a fair fight is a fight you could lose.

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Leo: Well, yes, but . . . well, what I … what I mean is . . . .

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Splinter: You don't want to assure your victory.

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Leo: No, I do, but . . . . [Splinter uses his stick to sweep Leo’s feet from under him.] Ow! [Pins Leo down with stick against his throat.] Hey!

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Splinter: Was that fair?

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Leo: No!

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Splinter: Did I win?

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Leo: I see your point.

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Splinter: Seek victory, not fairness.

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Leo: Hai, sensei.

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[Helps Leo up and then walks away, leaving his son with much to ponder. In main living area, others are hanging out with April. Mikey reads a magazine with Chris on the cover.]

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Mikey: Whoa, rad! Oh, I wish me and Chris Bradford were friends! [laughing]

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April: Mikey, you already have a human friend. Me!

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Mikey: April, you don't count. We saved your life, you have to like us.

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Raph: Too bad there's no place for freaks to meet people where no one can see how hideous they are.

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April: Wait, there is, the internet! Donnie, can I see your laptop?

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Donnie: Uh, yeah uh, sure! Just a sec.

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April: Check it out, it's a site where you can make friends with anybody online.

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Mikey: Sweet! [Shoves April aside and takes over laptop, then gasps.] Ohh, Chris Bradford's on here! He'll be my first friend!

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April: Mikey, people don't always respond immed . . . . [laptop beeps] But sometimes they do.

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Mikey: [gasps] No way! Chris Bradford has accepted my friendship! I have a friend! Thanks, April!

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Donnie: Where are you going? [Mikey tosses laptop into the air and runs off.] Hey! [Don jumps to catch his laptop.]

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Mikey: To hang out with my friend, Chris Bradford.

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April: This guy's famous. He probably has thousands of "friends".

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Mikey: And guess who's number 5,286?

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April: You?

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Mikey: Daniel Ramirez! And I'm right next to him. Later!

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April: Well, this ought to be interesting.

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Donnie: Should we go after him?

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Raph: Eh, he's gotta learn somehow.

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[Chris locks up his club and starts walking down street.  Mikey drops down unnoticed behind him.]

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Mikey: [giggles] What up? Hey. I'm, uh . . . . [Chris begins throwing shuriken at him. Mikey dodges all of them.] I'm being attacked by Chris Bradford! This is so cool! [Screams as more shuriken fly at him and he keeps ducking and dodging.] No, wait! We're . . . whoa! Friends!

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Chris: What?

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Mikey: We're online friends! You accepted me, remember?

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Chris: Oh. Of course. Nice to meet you. [Holds out hand for Mikey to shake, Mikey laughs happily as he does so.] Uh, won't you come in?

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[Cut to Leo and Don on a rooftop.]

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Leo: They must have been watching us from here. The perfect place to stage an ambush.

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Donnie: It wasn't very fair, was it?

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Leo: It's not about fairness. It's about victory.

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Donnie: Okay, I'm sorry.

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[Behind them are Raph and Mikey.]

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Mikey: And then and then Chris Bradford put on his hakama. Man, that guy can rock a hakama!

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Raph: Yeah, maybe he'll wear it again when he takes you to the prom.

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Mikey: And then after that, he . . . .

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Raph: Oh, enough! You've been going on about this for three hours.

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Mikey: Ooh, someone sounds jealous. You just can't admit that you were the "R" word. "Rong"?

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[Disgusted sighs all around.]

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Raph: [scoffs] I'm not wrong.

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Mikey: Oh, yeah? If you don't want to talk about my friend [Grunts as he leaps up and then lands between Don and Leo.] I've got two other brothers who do.

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Leo: Actually, I'd rather talk about anything else.

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Donnie: Like the concept of the silent "W," perhaps?

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Mikey: Fine. Heh, I'll go talk to a guy who likes to talk about Chris Bradford more than anyone else, Chris Bradford.

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[To Chris’ dojo where he is punching a bag.]

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Mikey: There's my best buddy in the whole world!

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Chris: [groans and then smiles] Michelangelo, Mikey, the Big M. How you doing, buddy?

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Mikey: I am stupendous, Chris. Chrissy B. I gotta work on your nickname. Ooh Rad-Brad!

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Chris: You know, I was just thinking how we're such close friends, and yet I know so little about you.

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Mikey: You think we're close friends?

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Chris: Of course! Now tell me everything about you.

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Mikey: Well, where should I start? Ooh, I named all six of my toes! [Holds up foot.]

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Chris: How interesti . . . [Pulls back as Mikey sticks a foot in his face.] Ugh!

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Mikey: There's Stubby and Joey nails.

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Chris: [Pushes Mikey’s foot aside.] Oh, that's that that's fascinating. But I was thinking more about your impressive ninjitsu skills.  You must have an incredible sensei.

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Mikey: Oh, he is the best. Now meet the stinky triplets!

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Chris: Ugh, okay! [chuckling]  Who's hungry?

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Mikey: Me! I want pizza!  Do you like pizza?

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Chris: Yeah, sure.

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Mikey: [Rushes forwards and throws his arms around Chris.] Whoa. We have so much in common. [Cut to rooftop, where they are sitting together looking out over the city.] Isn't this great? Blue skies, pizza, couple of dudes just hangin'. [Near them a rat squeaks.]

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Chris: Yeah, great. Since we've gotten so close, maybe you could tell me a little more about your brothers.

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Mikey: [with mouth full] Oh, oh, yeah. Uh, they're good dudes. But sometimes I don't think they respect me. [munching sloppily]

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Chris: Uh, I can't imagine why.

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Mikey: [Inside dojo again.] Cool. [gasps] Look at that katana! That looks old.

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Chris: Yes, yes, it's over 400 years old. [Chuckles uncomfortably.]  But getting back to your Sensei . . . .

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Mikey: Look, Rad-Brad, I'd love to tell you, but there's just some things I have to keep secret. [Pulls down katana from shelf and takes it from its sheath.]

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Chris: [Gasps and runs forward, trying to grab katana, but Mikey keeps swinging it. Chris finally catches his arm.] But we're friends. And friends share their secrets, [takes katana from him] don't they?

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Mikey: Are you saying you're going to show me your secret kata, "the death dragon”?

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Chris: [Replaces katana on its stand.] Tell you what. As a show of trust and friendship, I will teach you the death dragon.

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Mikey: All right!

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Chris: But you have to swear not to show it to anyone.

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Mikey: I promise I won't show a soul. [Back at the lair, in front of his brothers.] And then he kicks, twists, and sweeps the leg. Ha! The death dragon.

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Leo: That was amazing!

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Donnie: Yeah, it's devastatingly effective and complex.

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Raph: And yet even Mikey could learn it.

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Mikey: Thank you. Hey! [laptop beeping] It's Rad-Brad! That's my little name for him. He wants to get together for a little B-ball. Can't wait to find out what the "B" stands for! [Types in and sends response before heading for the door.]

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Leo: You're going now?

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Mikey: Sorry, dudes, human friend stuff. You know how it is. Oh, wait. No, you don't. [chuckles]

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[At Chris’ dojo, Xever begins swinging the katana as Chris finishes on his laptop.]

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Chris: The freak is on his way. The trap is set.

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Xever: Pretty weapon for a tough guy. In prison, we made our own weapons.

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Chris: I'll keep that in mind if I'm ever stupid enough to wind up in prison.

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[Back at lair, Raph and Leo sparring.]

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Raph: Not quite.

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Leo: Wait, I think I got it.

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[Splinter enters and dramatic music plays as he sees Leo sweep Raph’s feet and has a flashback.]

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Splinter: Where did you learn that?

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Raph: Mikey learned it from his new friend.

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Splinter: The man who taught him that kata is no friend!  It comes from the Shredder.

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Donnie: Shredder?

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Leo: You mean Bradford is one of his students?

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Splinter: He must be.

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Leo: So Bradford's just pretending to be Mikey's friend to get to you.

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Raph: Oh, what a relief! Everything makes sense again. [Eyes go wide.] Mikey's in trouble!

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Mikey: [Arrives at Chris’ dojo, all is in darkness.] Rad-Brad? Hello? Hello? Raddie-Braddie? Did you plan me a surprise party? [Helmeted figure comes up behind him, Mikey gives out a startled yell and spins around as ominous music plays. He begins backing up and runs into Xever.] Whoa! Uh, uh. [Spins away from both and backs up as they move towards him.] Tell me what you've done with Chris, or you guys are in serious . . .

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[They both begin attacking him. Mikey keeps dodging and leaping away from their attacks.  Is knocked into the punching bag but recovers.]

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Chris: [Chuckling ominously.] Haven't you figured out who I am?

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Mikey: Should I have? [Traps Chris’ arms, and then flips up to kick him. Is himself kicked and ends up on floor.]

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Chris: We've already met face-to-face.

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Mikey: No. It can't be. You're the guy with the cat?

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Chris: You fool. [Removes helmet.]

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Mikey: Rad-Brad? What? [Scene switches to Mikey being hogtied.] I thought we were friends. I introduced you to all of my toes.

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Chris: You actually thought someone like me could be friends with a freak like you?  Pathetic!

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Xever: I say we get rid of him.

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Chris: Nothing would make me happier. [Mikey gulps.] But we need him. All part of the trap. [They leave him trussed up and turn off the lights.]

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MIkey; Rad-Brad?

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[Music plays as the other three turtles race across rooftops. Don uses gum on a compass to cut a hole in the glass of a skylight and reaches in to unlock and open the window. Ropes drop and turtles descend into dojo. The sound of a sword being unsheathed draws the attention of Foot soldiers who are standing guard. Turtles fight their way through them until all is clear and gather in front of Mikey.]

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Mikey: Dudes! That was sporadic!

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Turtles: Shh!  Shh!

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Donnie: [quietly] That's not what that means!

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[Leo cuts Mikey loose and rubs his head. They run across rooftops, jump down to street and then drop into sewers.]

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Chris: [Spying through binoculars.] Perfect.

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Xever: We've got them.

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[Turtles hear manhole cover being moved and fade into shadows. Chris, Xever, and Foot soldiers drop into tunnels. One by one the turtles pick off the Foot soldiers. All enter a central aqueduct and Chris realize they aren’t alone. Sees last of Foot soldiers disappearing. Xever lights flare and holds it up to see all soldiers hanging from the ceiling.]

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Xever: Show your faces!

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Chris: They've trapped us! Take 'em down!

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[Fighting begins. Xever uses his feet as a weapon. Chris takes on Leo and Raph. Xever fights Mikey and Don. Turtles then switch targets. Chris and Xever back towards each other.]

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Chris: They knew we were following them.

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Mikey: That's right. [Begins to fight Chris on his own, successfully beating him.] Sweep the leg! [When Chris falls, Mikey looks over at Don and Leo, who are standing at a water valve.] Hit it!

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[They turn the valve and water rushes through tunnels, slamming into Chris and Xever and sending them shouting into a large pool, where they wash down into tunnels far below.]

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Raph: Well, that didn't seem very fair.

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Leo: No, it wasn't. [All chuckling.]

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Mikey: High three!

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[Back at the lair, all eating pizza while Splinter sits gazing into the distance.]

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Donnie: Um, Sensei, aren't you hungry?

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Splinter: I fear we are celebrating too soon.

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Raph: Too soon? The bad guys were swept away in a river of raw sewage. By my watch, that makes it the perfect time.

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Splinter: Shredder knows I'm alive. And worse, he knows about all of you. It's my worst nightmare come true.

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Leo: So it's not over?

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Splinter: Oh, no. It's just beginning.

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[Laptop beeping. Raph walks over to sit near Mikey, who is staring at the screen.]

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Raph: How you doing, Mikey?

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Mikey: This was all my fault. I should have never thought I could be friends with a human.

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Raph: Eh, don't be so hard on yourself.

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Mikey: So it's not my fault?

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Raph: Of course it's your fault.

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Mikey: [sighs]

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Raph: If you tell the others, I'll beat the green off you, but you're an awesome guy.

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Mikey: Bradford didn't think so.

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Raph: Eh, he's a psychotic killing machine. You deserve way better friends than him.

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Mikey: You know what? You're right. Thanks, Raph.

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Raph: Anytime.

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Mikey: [Presses button on laptop.] Unfriend. Ha-ha! Revenge!

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{End credits roll}