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A Thing About Rats

A Thing About Rats.PNG

1987 Episode Script

Season 1

Episode 3

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Opening Sequence and Theme Song

(Splinter lying on bed, sleeping.)

 

Raph: How's he doing?

 

April: He'll be fine. He just needs sleep.

 

Leo: Shredder must pay for this.

 

Raph: I'd like to douse him with that mutagen and turn him into a mutant hamster.

 

Don: He'll pay, all right, by turning Splinter back into a human being.

 

Leo: Stay with him, April.

 

Raph: Come on, let's find that Technodrome.

 

(Cut to Shredder. Tentacle from Technodrome breaks through floor of a mansion, Shredder steps out.)

 

Shredder: Now to find a new source of technical equipment.

 

(Releases a swarm of mini-helicopters. cut scene to Stockman, who places a rat in a maze.)

 

Baxter Stockman: The rat will follow its nose to the cheese at the end of the maze. Now, watch how my mouser follows its nose to the rat. You see? There's no place for pests to hide from my mousers. All I need is a big company to mass produce them for me. In large quantities, they could solve the city's rat problem.

 

(Shredder, spying on Stockman.)

 

Shredder: Including my problem with a rat named Splinter. Ha ha ha ha ha ha !

 

Stockman: So, do you think Ajax pest control would be interested in my invention?

 

Ajax Rep: Well, to put it in a single word, get outta here!

 

Stockman: Hey! You can't do this to me.

 

Ajax Rep: Get rid of all rats, huh? What are you, crazy? You want to drive me out of business?

 

Shredder: The short-sighted fool doesn't know what he's missing.

 

Stockman: W-who are you?

 

Shredder: Someone who wants to produce your mousers on a vast scale.

 

Stockman: Well, it's about time somebody discovered me.

 

(Cut scene to turtles.)

 

Mikey: Man, we are lostola.

 

Raph: This stinks. We haven't seen a trace of the Technodrome all day.

 

Don: We've got to keep searching while we still have the upper hand.

 

Raph: You call this the upper hand?

 

Don: We've got the Shredder on the run, Raphael.

 

Leo: And he's the key to returning Master Splinter to his human form.

 

(Back to Shredder and Stockman in the run-down mansion.)

 

Stockman: What a dump! I thought you said you had a big business.

 

Shredder: I do. In fact, it's enormous. With this, you can start work on a master control for the mousers.

 

Stockman: Master control? What's wrong with this?

 

Shredder: By dawn, I will have constructed hundreds of these robots. It will take massive amounts of computer power to run them all.

 

Rocksteady: So get to work.

 

Shredder: In a few hours, Baxter Stockman, your mousers will rule the city. Not a single rodent will survive.

 

Stockman: Hmm. That guy must really have a thing about rats.

 

(Cut to tunnels, where the turtles are standing at the base of a ladder.)

 

Don: Let's check up there.

 

Mikey: Donatello, the Technodrome isn't up, it's down.

 

Leo: At this point, anything is worth a try.

 

Raph: I hope this leads someplace interesting. (Opens onto tracks.) Nope. I thought not.

 

Mikey: Uh, Raphael?

 

Raph: What?

 

Mikey: (Oncoming train.) Duck!

 

Raph: This is not my idea of a good time.

 

(To Shredder’s lab.)

 

Computer: Analysis of mouser complete. Ready to commence replication process.

 

Shredder: Bebop, Rocksteady, activate the machinery.

 

Krang: Shredder, I want to talk to you.

 

Shredder: What is it this time?

 

Krang: Why are you wasting time building mousetraps when you have yet to provide me with a body?

 

Shredder: My problem is more urgent. Hamato Yoshi and his accursed turtles will ruin us if they're not—

 

Krang: Flehhh! There would be no problem if I had a body.

 

Shredder:  This is my fight. I must have the honor of destroying them.

 

Krang: Saki, come back here! Twice those turtles defeated you, Saki. I hope you fail again and again and keep failing until at last you have no choice but to give me a body.

 

Shredder: Excellent. An exact reproduction. Perfect down to the last detail.

 

Rocksteady: We got twelve done already.

 

Shredder: I should wait until the first batch is done but no. I can't wait to try them out. They will succeed where you mutants failed me.

 

Rocksteady and Bebop: Uh. Gulp.

 

Shredder: Seek out Hamato Yoshi and destroy him! Ha ha ha!

 

(Mouser robots are launched. Meanwhile, in the tunnels . . . .)

 

Raph: I don't get it. We've toured this whole burg, and no Technodrome. Whoa!

 

Leo: Raphael!

 

Raph: Somebody toss me a rope. They aren't paying me enough to take this kind of abuse.

 

(Back at lair.)

 

April: How are you feeling?

 

Splinter: A little better. Oroku Saki gave me quite a going-over.

 

April: Listen, I gotta go. I haven't been home since I met you guys. I gotta check my mail, get girled up, see if I still have a job.

 

Splinter: Of course. I hope we haven't interfered too much with your life, April.

 

April: Oh, only totally. Heh heh. Tell those four turtle boys I'll be back soon.

 

(After April is gone, mousers chomp through wall and beset Splinter.)

 

Splinter: So, Oroku Saki, you're reduced to sending machines after me.

 

(Turtles arrive and begin destroying the mousers.)

 

Leo: Hang on, Master Splinter.

 

Don: Get off of my bo.

 

Mikey: Rock and roll!

 

Raph: All right. Who's gonna clean up this mess?

 

Mikey: Where'd these metal maniacs come from?

 

Raph: Where do you think, Michelangelo?

 

Don: Trademark-- "Baxter Stockman Inventions.”  What kind of idiot puts his name on a death machine?

 

Raph:  An idiot with an ego problem?

 

Don: I don't know who Baxter Stockman is, but I can practically smell the Shredder behind all this.

 

Raph: Oh, great! The guy we haven't seen a sign of all day!

 

Leo: We must find this Baxter Stockman first, and through him find the Shredder.

 

Mikey: I hope he's easier to scope out than the Technodrome was.

 

Don: Yeah. All we've got on him is a name.

 

Splinter: I feel we need April's skills as a reporter for this. I suggest you pay her a visit at her apartment.

 

Leo: You'd better come with us, Master Splinter.

 

Mikey: Yeah, we don't want any of those big mouths puttin' the bite on you again.

 

(Back at Shredder’s lab, a blinking light on a console draws his attention.)

 

Shredder: Nonfunctional? All twelve mousers are out of commission? Those turtles! No matter. They may be able to handle twelve mousers, but they'll never be able to beat twelve hundred!

 

April: Whew! I've been hanging out in the sewers too long, running around with mutant turtles, chasing killers under the city. I'd almost forgotten what real life was like. (doorbell) Who in the world could that be?

 

Raph: Could we interest you in a subscription to turtle's home companion?

 

April: Oh, no! What are you guys doing here? How did you get here? Did anyone see you come in?

 

Raph: Any special order you want those questions answered in?

 

April: Yes. Quickly!

 

Don: Looking for Baxter Stockman, by the sewers, and no. Does that clear things up?

 

April: I can't remember what I asked.

 

Mikey: We're looking for the genius who built this.

 

Leo: His name is Baxter Stockman.

 

April: That's all you've got to go on--a name?

 

Leo: We think he's working with the Shredder. He's our only key to tracking down the Technodrome.

 

April: Well, I can see what my computer turns up. Put that back, Raphael!

 

Raph: (Looking at a picture of a toaster.)  Where do you plug this thing in?

 

April: Splinter, why don't you rest in the bedroom? The rest of you, try to stay out of trouble.

 

Raph: Roger, April.

 

April: You promise?

 

All: We promise, April.

 

April: Why is it I don't quite believe you guys?

 

Mikey: Wonder if there's anything to eat in this joint. (Opens refrigerator.) Rock! Instant pizza!

 

April: Let's see if the newsroom files have anything on this guy.

 

(Donatello presses button on answering machine.)

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Burne (on answering machine): April, this is Burne at the studio. Where are you? You're due in ten minutes for the broadcast.

 

April: (on her computer) Got him!

 

Burne (on answering machine): April, this is Burne. Where are you? What's happening with your story? Call me.

 

Raph: (Sitting on edge of bathtub, reading bottle.) "Essence of jelly bean bubble bath. Add one capful to running water." Hmm. One capful, huh? (Looks up at baseball cap.)

 

April: Hey, team, I-- ay ay ay! Leonardo, what are you doing?

 

Leo: (Throwing knives at toaster picture.) Target practice.

 

April: (Smoke billowing through apartment.) Aah!

 

Mikey: Uh, pizza's ready.

 

Raph: (Bursts out of bathroom on a flood of water.) Yee-haw!

 

April: I thought I told you guys to stay out of trouble!

 

Don: We aren't in any trouble.

 

April: That's what you think. Here. I found Baxter Stockman's address. Why don't you go there and do some damage?

 

(Cut to Stockman and Shredder.)

 

Stockman: There. It's done, and I'm leaving.

 

Shredder: Don't you wish to see the fruits of your labor?

 

Stockman: Ohh, no. I'm tired. I haven't slept all night.

  

Shredder: Very well. Go. (After Stockman leaves.) He knows too much. Put him out of the way. Take the turtle-seeking cycle.

 

(Stockman climbs into his van and drives away. Footbots jump onto cycle and speed after him.)

 

Mikey: April sure was mad.

 

Don: Oh, well. You know women.

 

Raph: No, we don't. She's the first one we ever met.

 

Leo: Stick to business. We got to find this Baxter Stockman person.

 

Don: I hope he hasn't had time to build any more of those little machines.

 

Shredder: (Dozens of mousers.) Now, my children, seek out Hamato Yoshi, the four turtles, and that newswoman April O'Neil. Destroy them all. Ahh! It feels so good to be so bad.

 

(Stockman arrives home.  Starts to open his door, but then turns to see Footbots.)

 

Stockman: Oh, what do you want now?

 

(Turtles arrive and fight the Footbots.)

 

Don: Time to take out the garbage.

 

Mikey: You're no match for Michelangelo, master of the manriki gusari.

 

Raph: Ha ha! And you are no match for Raphael, master of the manhole cover! Heh! What a sucker. Ok, bub, let's chat.

 

Mikey: You want to clue us in on what this is?

 

Stockman:  It's the remote control for my mousers.

 

Leo: Do you have any more of these mousers?

 

Stockman: No, but the Shredder has-- hundreds of them.

 

Leo: And where is the Shredder now?

 

Stockman:  I'll never talk.

 

Raph: You'd better, or else I'm gonna get sarcastic.

 

Stockman: He's in an old mansion on Green Street near tenth. He's got a master control for all the mousers there.

 

Raph: See? Nothing beats cutting wit.

 

Leo: Green Street's all the way downtown.

 

Mikey: Yeah, how are we gonna get there in time?

 

Raph: Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking? (Opens back of Stockman’s van and turtles climb inside.)

 

Don: Beam generators, frequency tracers. . .

 

Mikey: You know, we could really use some of this junk.

 

Raph: Gee, Michelangelo, I didn't know you could drive.

 

Mikey: Ha! I can't! Cowabunga!

 

Don: Uh, guys, has it occurred to you just how easily those mousers found Splinter?

 

Raph: So what?

 

Mikey: So, if there are hundreds of them now. . .

 

All: April and Splinter!

 

(Michelangelo spins van around. At April’s apartment, she is mopping the floor.)

 

April: Ah, there. It's nice to have a little peace and quiet. (Crackling noise and then the wall starts breaking open.) Splinter! Splinter, wake up!

 

Splinter: What's the matter, April?

 

April: I think something's trying to eat this apartment! (Opens door and sees mousers.) Sorry, you must have the wrong apartment!

 

Splinter:  We must arm ourselves. (Begin fighting mousers.) Hyah! I fear we're about to join our ancestors, April.

 

April: It's been swell knowing you, Splinter.

 

(Turtles swing through terrace doors on ropes and begin destroying mousers.)

 

Raph: Outta my way, big mouth!

 

Don: Fore! (Rumbling noise overhead, chunks of material falling.) I don't like the sound of that one bit.

 

Leo: The ropes!

 

(Turtles grab ropes; Splinter and April grab hold of turtles. Swing out on ropes attached to crane on building next door as April’s building disintegrates.)

 

April: Boy, they sure don't build 'em like they used to.

 

Raph: Well, what are we hanging around here for? Let's go find the Shredder.

 

Don: There's the mansion, just like Stockman said.

 

Raph: So, what do we do now?

 

Don: With the equipment in the van, I can make this thing powerful enough to control all the mousers, but it won't do any good unless we shut down the master control in that old dump. Somebody's gonna have to get in there and put it out of commission.

 

Raph: Come on, troops. Let's do it.

 

Mikey: Hang on. One turtle’d have a better chance than three.

 

Raph: Well, have fun. Drop us a line if anything interesting happens.

 

Mikey: You could have tried to talk me out of it, you know. (Crawls through basement entrance and on all fours through basement. Finds and opens grate into duct system. Climbs inside and up to floor above. Comes out of grate.) Now to find the master control.

 

Shredder: Not so fast, turtle boy. (Sees others on outside camera.) So, they're all here. Ha ha ha! Time to give my mousers new orders.

 

Mikey: (tied to a chair) This is stupid. There's gotta be some way out of these ropes. Waah! Uhh! Of course, I could be wrong.

 

Raph: (Sees mousers marching towards them.) Oh, swell. Another thousand mouths to feed.

 

Don: I just hope Michelangelo managed to shut down the master control.

 

Mikey: Uhh! Now all I have to do is . . . .

 

Krang: Don't move. (Tentacle reaches behind Mikey to get at his ropes.)

 

Mikey: Don't move, huh?

 

Raph: That Michelangelo. Remind me to give him a stern talking-to, if we survive this.

 

Mikey: Whoa! (Ropes fall away and he sees Krang.) I've heard of going out of your skull, but you take the cake.

 

Krang: Listen to me. The room with the master control is one flight up. Go there and destroy it.

 

Mikey: Wait a minute. Why should I believe a talking brain?

 

Krang: There's no time to argue. Your friends are in danger. Hurry!

 

Raph: (All on top of the van.) I'd say this was hopeless, but that's too optimistic.

 

Shredder: Farewell, accursed Hamato Yoshi.

 

Mikey: Heads up, Shredder. Oh, big man with a gun. Come on! Fight like a turtle. Ha ha ha! Missed me by a mile.

 

Shredder: You impudent idiot!

 

Mikey: Come on, chrome dome, hit me with your best shot. (Stands in front of master control.)

 

Shredder: You bet I will. (Mikey jumps aside and blast hits the control panel.) Oh, no! You'll pay for that.

 

Mikey: (Is being shot at and jumps through soft spot in wall.) Will you take an I.O.U.?

 

April: Michelangelo did it!

 

Don: All right! Let's give these little creeps some new marching orders. (Reprograms mousers, who flood into mansion, breaking through load bearing wall.)

 

Shredder: Oh, no! (Jumps into elevator and returns to Technodrome as mansion crumbles. Mansion sinks into ground with explosions all around.)

 

Don: Hmm. Guess they must've hit a gas main.

 

Raph: That's the end of the mousers.

 

Leo: Yes, but what about Michelangelo?

 

April:  Michelangelo!

 

Leo: Where are you?

 

Raph: If anything's happened to that little twerp, I'll-- oh, no! (Sees brother underneath a large board.) Michelangelo, say something. Say something. (Lifts board off him.)

 

Mikey: I just love hide-and-seek, don't you?

 

Raph:  Well, guess what? The Technodrome's long gone.

 

Don: That Shredder's getting to be a real pain in the tail.

 

Leo: We need some way to track him.

 

Don: That van's full of all sorts of surveillance gear, if we could rig it up somehow.

 

Mikey: You know what I saw in that old house? It was this humongous brain! It had a mouth and eyes, and it talked to me!

 

Raph: A talking brain, huh?

 

Mikey: Yeah. Weird, huh?

 

Don: Michelangelo, I do believe you've finally had one pizza too many.

 

[End Credits]

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